Imagine if your life played out in front of you like a movie on a TV screen. You would be the watcher. The observer. The remote is in your hand and you are fully in control. Rewind 5 years. What do you see?
If I were to rewind my life 5 years I would see a woman who was so afraid of being a victim I would have a panic attack if I passed too closely to another person in a dark parking lot. I would never dare buy anything more than what I could easily carry in one hand if I went out at night, and certainly never out at night alone unless if was necessary. I knew all the personal safety tips and tricks. Always park under a light as close to the store as possible. Park where the store is accessible through well-lit parts of the parking lot. Stay out of the shadows. Walk in the middle of the cars parked on either side of me, not too close to either side. No parking near vans. Keys laced between my fingers, my bag secured cross body style. Keep vigilant. Watch EVERYONE. Be prepared to run as if a saber tooth tiger was just parachuted in behind me. I felt PARANOID. PANICKED. ANXIOUS. Not just a little. ALL CAPS amounts.
I had been the victim so many times. Raped in college. Married to an abusive man. Being forcibly “given” as a birthday gift then shamed into being chill about it. The list goes on and on. I always thought that is where the paranoia came from.
The feeling of safety and security was a NEED and I rarely if ever felt safe. I played it off well. I put on a tough exterior mask and “bucked up” like I could take care of myself, like I felt capable of taking care of myself, even though I really didn’t.
Needing the feeling of safety goes so far back beyond all those “victim moments”. It goes back to 7 years old when my childhood home was broken into the first time. We came home to broken glass, flipped over furniture, ransacked drawers and cabinets and precious items and money never to be seen again. This is the time frame that almost all of our obstacles come from. Between birth and 7 years old.
The need for safety began changing for me when I was introduced to what I do now. I learned the tools and techniques to master the skills to remove that emotional obstacle caused by all that past pain.
The skills I developed still help me to this day. Feeling safe is still important to me. Now I know all those things that felt like paranoia 5 years ago are actually heightened awareness, which is awesome. That is one of my super powers now. I will notice things that most people don’t.
What obstacles in your life can you track back to an event from childhood? These are obstacles that the Shamanic path can help you address. Beginning October 12th, 2021 another opportunity for learning these tools and techniques will begin. For more information, please email firstname.lastname@example.org